Planning her 5th birthday. Crazy. They grow up way too fast. I wish there was a way I could keep them little forever. Lily told me the other day she wanted to stay with me forever, even when she was grown up. Ah, if only they always felt that way LOL!
After Riley was born I wasn't sure I ever wanted another baby. I HATED being pregnant. It was torture. Adoption we could talk about, but me having another baby? I was possibly ok with having just one (and I had wanted FIVE before that)! Jeremiah, on the other hand, being an only child, very much did NOT want Riley to be an only child. We didn't really talk about it much, but I said I'd think about it. The thing with something like getting sick is that when you look back it doesn't seem as bad as it actually was (or it was worse LOL). So when Riley was about a year and a half old and Jer and I were finally planning our wedding, I decided I wanted to try for another baby right after we got married. We started trying a little early LOL, but got pregnant in September of 2006, about 3 weeks after we got married. Again, all of a sudden I was terrified that I'd made the wrong choice! I loved Riley so much and what if having a baby took too much time from him? What if I didn't love this one as much? I was scared.
But for a while that didn't matter. Because I got sick again. Only this time worse. I was throwing up constantly. There came to a point where I didn't eat for 12 days. I was feeling great for about 2 weeks after we found out. Then one Sunday I woke up and BAM! it was like a truck had hit me. I tried working (as a server at Ruby Tuesday) on Tuesday, but just couldn't do it. The smell of the food was too much. I left early and didn't go back for about 4 months, after the really bad illness subsided and I could stomach smelling food again. Thankfully my employer was awesome and understood what I was going through. Anyway, I went to the dr the following Monday hoping they would do something so it didn't get too bad again. They sent me to labor and delivery to get fluids through an IV, but would only keep me for a few hours. Before getting discharged they had me eat a little something, which was the last food I'd have for 12 days. Wednesday I was back in for more fluids. They sent me home, but said if I was back in they'd admit me. Friday I was back in and they tried everything, zofran, vitamins that are supposed to help, etc. Nothing. They decided to admit me and try to figure it out. I was there for 9 days. Even with no food in my stomach (only a little bit of water and my IV) I was throwing up multiple times a day.
The drs couldn't figure out where it was all coming from. I lost about 14 lbs and was now underweight at 104 lbs. They were convinced I was anorexic or bulimic, to which Jeremiah laughed and said "are you kidding, she eats more than I do!" They tried combinations of vitamins, unisom, zofran, even hypnotherapy and scoping my stomach! There was nothing "wrong" with me other than being pregnant, so they had to discharge me. I was terrified to go home. I don't really know why, but I felt like I was dying when I would throw up and I felt safer at the hospital. There were literally moments in the hospital I thought my head was going to explode or my heart give out or something and I would die. I almost wanted to die, if it weren't for Riley. Usually for me I am pro-life (but politically pro-choice), but actually discussed with my dr abortion. That sounds terrible, but I honestly did not know how I would survive this.
I went home and lived on pumpkin pie and water for about 2 months. Literally. And it had to be specific pie, or I would know and couldn't eat it. Thank goodness it was Thanksgiving time. Occasionally I could get down some Jello and cool whip, but that was pretty rare. Finally that passed and I could eat more. I still felt terrible, but had stopped vomiting and could stomach other foods (as long as they didn't contain tomatoes, eggs, spices, peanut butter, syrup and on and on). Most of my favorite foods. I ate a lot of cheese and pasta and chicken. I never felt full at this point. I always felt hungry. I would eat a box of pasta by myself for lunch. I gained 28 lbs in FOUR weeks (plus more before and after that). My dr NEVER addressed my eating, because after the first half of my pregnancy he just wanted me eating anything. I mentioned needing to slow down on the weight gain and he said "yes, that would be good to try to aim for only 1 lb a week. Think about it, you have 16 weeks left to go, if you gain 2 lbs a week from here on out, you will gain ANOTHER 32 lbs!" So I tried, not always successfully, to eat better. Mostly I did.
It was also at this point that he asked me if I had thought about having my tubes tied. I was 29, which, from what I hear, is young for drs to suggest this, but he told me he had never seen a case as bad as mine. I was having a repeat c-section, because after extensive research over vbac vs repeat c/s I decided repeat was safer for the baby. Because he would already be in there he told me he would tie my tubes if I wanted, because he didn't feel I should get pregnant again. I actually had talked to Jer about it, but it was a scary, scary thought. I had always sworn I never would do anything permanent. But now, I just COULDN'T go through that again. And the dr felt it would likely get worse each time. I cried in the office and he told me to think about it.
This is terrible, but one of my thoughts was, "what if I don't have a girl?" I have always wanted a girl. Having a boy is wonderful and I love him more than life itself, but if I had never had him I wouldn't be devastated that I never had a boy. A girl though, I would be devastated to never experience that. I had already had my ultrasound and it was supposed to be a girl. But she was only about 86% sure. I remember being in the ultrasound room and I was so nervous I was shaking. I actually wouldn't mind having another boy. A brother for Riley. His name would be Trey Alexander. Another sweet boy. A girl I didn't even know what I would name her. Riley would have been Isabelle Grace, but that didn't feel right this time. I told myself I didn't care. I thought I didn't care. Until she told me it was a girl and relief washed over me and I immediately stopped shaking.
Lily's ultrasound (I need to get Riley's up here too, but they are on another computer):
Look at the little feet! Love this for some reason!
Anyway, back to getting my tubes tied. Even with the u/s there is doubt. So what do I do if I get my tubes tied, wake up and it's a boy! I thought about it and decided even so I couldn't go through pregnancy again, so we agreed to do it.
The rest of the pregnancy was pretty uneventful except that I hated it LOL! Oh, one of the most fun things was April fools day! We called Jer's mom and told her I was in labor! Because of the way Riley was born she believed it and drove to our house (she only lived a few blocks away)! It was hysterical! She is awesome so we could do that to her LOL! BEST April Fool's Prank EVER!
Also, I decided that I would have maternity pictures taken, because I think they are beautiful, so here are some of those! I love them. Especially the ones of me and my baby boy. I have more of all 3 of us, but they are on CD somewhere packed away ready to move (hopefully).
So because of the bleeding fiasco when Riley was born the drs wanted me to go in at ANY sign of blood this time. I was scheduled for my c-section May 21st (she was due May 29). On April 30th (4 weeks and 1 day early) I woke up at about 5:30 am feeling...odd. I checked and there was no blood, but I just didn't feel right. Finally about 10 min later, there it was...blood. I woke Jeremiah up and we called my mom to come stay with Riley while we went to the hospital. At home I *thought* my water broke, but wasn't really sure, because I hadn't done this before! My mom took FOREVER to get there and by 6 am I was feeling crampy. I just chalked it up to constipation LOL! Halfway to the hospital I realized they were contractions! Again, I hadn't done this before! I went into the hospital and they had me change into a gown and go to the bathroom (this time I was sure my water broke, I didn't know there were different "bags" of water that could break multiple times). I sat on the bed and kept saying to the nurse "I feel like I have to poop!" Yes TMI I know LOL!
Finally it hit me. No. I don't have to poop, I have to push! I told the nurse and she said, "I need to check you NOW then." I said, "I'm supposed to have a c-section!" She checked and sure enough, 10 cm. She told me she wasn't even sure they could get me ready in time. So I agreed to try it this way. They made me hold off pushing for 15 min to sign papers. Yeah, like I knew what I was signing! But I needed to get them out of my face! Finally I started pushing at 6:45. At 7:01 am Liliana Helena was born, 6 lbs even! On our way to the hospital we had called my mother-in-law (and obviously my mom knew) and I called my sister. I told her that it was probably nothing, but we were going to the hospital. She lived just a few blocks from there, so showed up when we did and got to be in the room with me and Jer (otherwise my mom would have been, but I'm glad it worked out this way). Our moms ended up getting there 20 minutes after she was born! It all happened so fast they couldn't get there in nearly enough time! When Lily came out I literally said "HOLY CRAP!" As in, "I can't believe that just happened so fast!" Everyone laughed at me, but the look on Jer and Beth's faces said it all. They were thinking the same thing. It was priceless.
At first she was groggy, and the drs thought maybe I had taken cold medicine or something, but I hadn't. No idea what was wrong, but within a few minutes she turned into the pistol she is today. The nurses in the nursery told me she was trying to lift her head right away. She hasn't stopped moving since! She was only in the hospital with me for 2 days and was perfect right away. Over 4 weeks early and not a thing wrong.
Here she is in the hospital:
My grandma, who I loved dearly. She passed away when Lily was about 1 and it was devastating. I treasure this picture of her holding my babies.
Riley loved her instantly. They fight sometimes, but they love each other more than 2 siblings I've ever seen, still.
As for getting my tubes tied, that didn't happen. I'm supposed to be getting the Essure procedure done, but we just haven't gotten around to it, 4 years later. We are still very serious about it, we just use other forms of birth control for now.
I admit I had some PPD and had trouble bonding with her at first. I didn't have the wave of happiness and tears I had when Riley was born. I think I subconsciously held resentment for my awful pregnancy and feeling like I was going to die. The weird part is that she looked exactly like me. It was almost an eerie feeling of looking in a mirror when I looked at her. It gave me shivers. But I wasn't bonded to her like Riley. I think it was around 9 months old that I really felt connected to her. And now she is my sweet, sweet girl. I love her so much I can hardly stand it. Both of my children. It's just love beyond measure.
I can't stand them getting older. But here is my beautiful girl in her school picture for pre-k. Kindergarten next year, just unfathomable. Isn't she just amazingly beautiful?! I can't get over it sometimes. How Jeremiah and I made something so beautiful I will never understand LOL!
Have a wonderful week!
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